Zara is your typical fairy tale princess, blonde, gorgeous and awaiting her prince charming. Except for one thing, she's been cursed with super powers. You'd think flying fast, being strong, and the ability to attract small, fuzzy creatures would be awesome right? Wrong! Join Zara as she fights zombie carrots, evil mermaids, and dragons with attitudes.
Everything changes when a new boy named Gunner enrolls in her school. He accepts her for who she is, which Zara has never encountered. Suddenly, magical eggs from various monsters around the kingdom start to go missing. It's up to Zara to discover who is stealing these monster eggs and why.
A sample chapter from my Middle grade/YA action, humorous book.
Chapter 1: Princess
“Get out of the way!” I bellow as I cautiously back up from the sound of over fifty hissing mutant carrots. Yeah, I said mutant carrots. The creepy, red-eyed vegetables are all staring at me as if I’m a pork chop. I hear people scattering behind me like rodents, the sound intensifying to my super hearing ears. You’d think a bunch of carrots would be super easy to kill right? Wrong! When they all have teeth like sharks, you tend to be cautious. The carrots are waving their sinewy arms around like pinwheels, all of them letting out an “Uhhharrrrr...” Like some sort of zombies.
Zombies are relatively easy to kill if you just do the double tap; carrots, on the other hand don’t have brains! I take another step backwards, and in my peripheral vision I can see the school. All I want is to get to school on time this morning. Just for once in my life I want to be able to fly to school (yeah I fly too), and have everything go smoothly.
Then BOOM! Mutant carrots twelve o’clock. One of the carrots suddenly lunges at me, biting a chunk out of my shimmery, pink dress.
“Hey!” I grip the ugly, slobbering carrot from behind, his arms swinging like he thinks he’s Rocky Balboa, and I proceed to punt him like a football. I would make a great quarterback. The carrot soars through the air and lands with a slobbery slurp sound on top of a girl in my history class. Oops! The other carrots attack me all at once. I’m a little busy as I punt, punch, throw, and juggle the mutant vegetables. By the end I’m a sweaty, nasty, slobbery zombie carrot mess. Now, I’m going to learn geometry.
Oh, by the way, I’m Zara, and I’m a princess. Wait, scratch that. I’m a superhero princess. Don’t shut the book yet! Believe me, this gets good. I have the traditional fairytale princess looks: long, golden blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a figure that most girls would die for. This is my story.
Once upon a time, there was a queen and a king who had no children. Blah… Blah… Blah… Typical right? Then I was born. People come from miles around to see me, the little Princess. My mother swears to me that I was beautiful. I’m pretty sure I had a cone head like all newborn babies.
Now, like most fairytales there is always a bad guy. Cue bad guy music! Dun…dun…dun. What? Can’t a girl have sound effects in her own story?
Enter the Rainbow Fairy. Innocent name right? Like something from My Little Ponies? Wrong! My dad said she looks like a bag of skittles on steroids. Of course, the fact that she was a fairy bought her a one-way ticket to see me. Mom and dad were hoping for a sweet gift like all the other fairies in the land gave. Instead, she came right up to my frilly cradle (which was really frilly if you’d met my mother you’d understand) smiled down at my sweet little face and BAM! Cursed me for life. The problem was my mother and father didn’t know I was cursed.
“Ben? Ben! What is that thing?!” My mother told me she had pointed out the window of our castle to the ugliest creature she’d ever seen. The face was like a dog butt, its eyes like a cat, and its body was covered in fur and black slime. Pretty gross right? Hey—maybe my mom didn’t use the word dog butt, but my dad sure did! Then the monster proceeded to attack our castle. My mother screamed and hid behind some guards that were just loitering about while dad was laughing his head off. If a dog butt, cat eyed creature was attacking your castle what would you do? I know I’d probably wet myself. Picture it. A dog butt.
Okay, enough about the dog butt. So this is what my parents told me happened. I rolled over (for the first time) I was maybe two weeks old; I bent the bars of my baby bed much to my mother’s surprise and flew up into the air. I soared right through the window and punched the dog butt creature in the face. It ran away crying like a little girl. Who’s your daddy?! So yeah, they figured it out pretty quick that I was ‘special.’ Don’t look at me like that. I meant to use that word. I am not going to erase it from my own story. Geesh. It’s exactly how I feel. Special. Ugh.
So, ever since I was born monsters attack me nonstop. You’re probably thinking, yeah right. But it’s true! I am a monster magnet. Not exactly what every girl wishes for. After that, let’s just say the terrible two’s lasted for a lifetime. As far as curses go, I guess I got a fairly decent one. I could have been turned into a pickle or something. The Rainbow Fairy cursed me with the ability of strength, flight, random powers, and of attracting all sorts of fuzzy creatures. Have you ever had a wild boar lick you? It’s not pleasant! Anyways, as I was saying, I’m a super-hero princess.
Chapter 2: Enter crap zone
School bites. Maybe you come from a school that’s all peaches and cream, but my school, sucks. First off, I’m the princess, right? So you’d think I’d at least be popular? Wrong! The only perk I get at this crappy school is free lunch. Corn dogs and tatter tots. Whoop-dee-freakin-do! Except for my school serves more like brussel sprouts and cabbage burgers. Ew. I suffer through art and dance class with a bunch of drones who follow my arch nemesis Annabelle. Who’s Annabelle? Well, we were forced to be BFFS until one day I liked the same guy as her. I really didn’t mean to steal her potential boyfriend at the age of eight, but when he asked me to the Valentine party instead of her, it was war after that. She told the whole school about my weird sleeping habits, which included: drooling, sleeping with a nightlight, and sucking my thumb.
Bolten Lake, the hottest guy in school, thought I was a total loser after that. To top it off he moved to the desert. The stinkin’ desert! Next, she posted pictures of me all over the school cuddling with a fluffy unicorn, sleeping with my nightlight on, and wearing my monkey footy pajamas. She also knows that I’m allergic to cats so she stuffed my locker full of catnip and pretty soon, every cat within a thirty-mile radius came to visit me. Don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but when a creature makes you sneeze until you knock a building over, well, it’s best to avoid them.
Problem with Annabelle and I is our parents still force us to do things together. Let’s just say school would be a heck of a lot easier if Annabelle just suddenly finds herself sucked into another dimension. Hey, a girl can dream right?
I walk (no flying in school) to dance class, my ears picking up every whining, back biting, crappy conversation in the school. Drama. Gotta love it. I stroll into a large, open room with wooden floors and mirrors covering every inch of it. I make a face at myself as I see my reflection in about five hundred different angles. Streams of fine light illuminate pictures of professional dancers that our school has produced. Not intimidating at all.
It’s not that I can’t dance; it’s that I shouldn’t dance. Every time I do someone gets hurt, or I damage school property. Mrs. Fields lets me sit out if I choose to.
There is a huge dance coming up in two weeks though. It is a big whoopin’ deal at our school. Guys and girls relationships are like soap operas in this place. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people whisper rumors about this couple, or rumors about that couple. One of the number one rumors right now is the fact that Annabelle had kept a boyfriend for a solid month. That is a record for her. Lame right? Well, I’m pretty sure every guy in this school has dated Annabelle at least once. Yeah, she has one of those sparkling personalities.
I on the other hand—well, guys may look at me from a distance, but because I’ve accidently broken bones before, they tend to stay a good cow’s length away from me. It’s rough getting a date honestly.
Mrs. Fields leaps into the air as I walk into the room her slim body spinning like a top. Mrs. Fields is creepy pretty. She’s slim, has dark hair; a pale face, and is the perfect ballerina.
“Zara, come in, come in.” She also sounds like a vampire. The other girls aren’t around yet. “I vant to talk to you, Princess.” Uh oh. Should I pull out the garlic? I sit down carefully on the bench. “I’ve noticed that most the girls come in together, vile (she meant while) you come in alone. Are you having problems with ze’ other girls?” She asks with a concerning look in her eye. How do I answer this politely? I put on my princess face and smile.
“Oh, we get along great; it’s just hard for me to walk as slow as they do. I’m just too hyper-active.” I lie sweetly. She gives me a strange smile that says ‘yeah right.’
“Well, that’s nice, dear as long as you are all right.” She speaks, turns around, and goes back to leaping like a frog.
The class fills in a moment later, guys to one side, girls to the other. I sit down on a metal chair, facing everyone, and pull out my phone. Mrs. Fields begins her work at once instructing and sorting girls and guys for their destined parts. She glances at me several times, but I didn’t move, except once to get a drink, but I don’t think she notices the wind that sweeps through the room and back. I’m checking Facebook when I glance up because the door squeaks. I hadn’t heard anyone approaching. Weird. A dark figure comes through the back door. He is lurking in the shadows, a black hoodie up over his face. Mrs. Fields spots him and claps excitedly.
“Oh! Hello there! You must ve’ the new student that Mr. Tellins told me about. Come in! Join us!” She says that just like a vampire. I vant’ to suck yer blood come closer… I watch the new student step into the light. He lifts his hood down and I gasp like a girlie girl. Hey, all the other girls in the room did too. He is around 5’11, loose curly, brown hair with the brightest blue-green eyes I’ve ever seen. The first thing that pops in my mind is hot! Hey, I’m not really that creative. He looks around shyly, spots me sitting on the bench and speaks quickly.
“I’d rather watch if that’s okay.” Mrs. Fields nods after a brief, awkward silence.
“Just this once.” She says briskly, claps her hands, and begins prancing around the room. The kid walks over to me his gate even and smooth. His eyes openly stare me down. Well, of course he’s staring, I wasn’t being vain; I know I’m beautiful. Even in my hot pink spandex and tutu. My mom makes me wear it to dance class, even though I don’t dance. Moms.
“Can I sit beside you?” He asks cautiously, like he thinks I will bite his head off. I study him. Well, I do bite on Thursdays, but lucky for him today is Monday.
“Sure.” I say staring at him equally as much as he does me. I think we should have a staring contest because this is getting awkward.
He sits down as if the bench is made of lava continuing his observation of me.
“Here ya go, take a picture, it’ll last longer.” I hold out my phone. He doesn’t even crack a smile; he just turns his head to watch the prancing ponies dance about the room.
“I’m Gunner.” He says in a husky voice without looking at me.
“Zara.” I say simply, studying his profile in the dim light.
“Do they always look that stupid?” He asks with a hint of a smile in his voice, turning his eyes back toward me.
“Pretty much, sometimes they wear tights though, and then it gets awesome. If you stick around long enough Mrs. Fields will force you to wear something that sparkles.” I mutter sarcastically, as my eyes follow the display. A smile plays at the corner of his lips. We talk for a while about our interests. Music, movies, the typical mumble jumble teens talk about. When class ends, I give him a smile and head toward the locker room to change out of my glitter frock.